Ninja and Yo-Landi Vi$$er of Die Antwoord

This is a crappy sketch of Ninja and Yo-Landi Vi$$er, the two "vocalists" of Die Antwoord. They are both fokken sewer rats that somehow escaped and started performing rap-rave.

This is the hardest sketch I've ever had to do. Morally, I had to swallow my pride. You see, Die Antwoord is the scum of the universe. Their music can't be real. It just can't be. And yet, I drew Die Antwoord because it needed to be done. What if da Vinci hadn't painted Mona Lisa? This kind of ugly must be enshrined for future generations.

Ultimately, I had to draw Die Antwoord because I realized that maybe I'm just a hater. I mean, this dude Ninja gets to hang out with Diplo all fokken day while I pick my mother up from the metro? And this chick Yo-Landi wears coats made of rats, and has no tangible talent? They are both gods amongst men and I'm just super grape jelly.

Things I learned from this drawing: While Yo-Landi is quite attractive, it is impossible to capture her albino-esque nature on paper. Hence the freak show hair. She's a freak show so get over it already.

This drawing reminds me: that everything will not be alright.

Sincerely,
Your Crappy Sketcher

P.S. - crappy sketches of crappy music artists are ironic?

Steve Aoki

Steve: "Hi, my name is Steve Aoki, and I'm a recovering electro house DJ."

Everybody: "Hi Steve."

Steve: "When's the last time I've used? Last night... I know it's bad for me, but the bass feels so good."

Group Leader: "How often do you relapse, Steve?"

Steve: "Usually every night. It pays the bills, alright? IT PAYS MY BILLS."

Omniscient Crappy Sketcher: Steve is addicted to house music. If he's not listening to it, he's making it. Steve knows the consequences of getting caught are severe; thousands of fans constantly grabbing at his clothes because they know he's holding. And yet he still performs.

I can help Steven. I've sketched him, as you can see, with a cloak draped over his head. This is no ordinary cloak. It's an invisibility cloak that I stole from that Harry Potter kid. Now Steve can abuse his music without consequence. I set you free Steve Aoki. You are freeeeee.

This drawing took me 35 minutes. It's actually not all that crappy, which is unfortunate. I promise I'll make it up to you guys somehow.

Things I learned from this drawing: Steve Aoki's dad is the founder of Benihana and a former Olympic wresting champion. Can't make this stuff up.

This drawing reminds me: that some people aren't meant to grow out facial hair.

Sincerely,
Your Crappy Sketcher

Kazuo Ishiguro

This is a crappy sketch of Kazuo Ishiguro, the "writer" of The Remains of the Day, winner of the Man Booker Prize for Fiction (1989.) I really like this guy. No one can make an early 20th century English butler sound quite as interesting.

This sketch took me 20 minutes. Much to my surprise, this drawing looks eerily like my dad, which got me thinking, could Kazuo be my dad? It's not that farfetched; father wears glass too, and calls me his bakayarou.

EAR ALERT. FIRST EAR I'VE DRAWN IN YEARS.

I'm not too thrilled about posting this sketch, mostly because it is truly crappy. But I must remain loyal to those that have thrust me into power.


Things I learned from this drawing: Kazuo Ishiguro is my dad.
This drawing reminds me: that we must all make the best of what remains of the day. Yeah, I said it.

Sincerely,
Your Crappy Sketcher

Bon Iver of Bon Iver

Hey. This is a crappy sketch of Bon Iver, the lead "guitarist" of Bon Iver. Oh, wait... correction. My friend Jade just informed me that this is actually Justin Vernon, the lead "singer" of Bon Iver. Apparently this band is comprised of identical twins or split personalities maybe.

I decided to draw Bon Iver early on in this blog's existence because the last thing I want is Bon Iver fans emailing me to sketch him. This is an inevitable fate that all bloggers must come to terms with. Here is your damn Bon, now go away.

P.S - he's not actually this good-looking. Alas, the pen has a mind of its own. And no, I did not use George Clooney in Perfect Storm as a template for this sketch.

Things I learned from this drawing: it is hard to draw dude lips.
This drawing reminds me: that hoodies and knit beanies keep the mainstream away.

Sincerely,
Your Crappy Sketcher

Elizabeth Powell of Land of Talk

This is a crappy sketch of Elizabeth Powell, the lead "singer" of Land of Talk. She is Canadian. If you don't know where Canada is, that is okay. Many people don't know where Canada is.

This sketch took me 25 minutes. I wish this sketch looked more like Elizabeth Powell, but I think reading two chapters of War & Peace yesterday put me in a rather Russian mood. This look more like peasant woman from old country, yes? Elizabeth Powell's jawline is round, like circle.

Things I learned from this drawing: I forgot how to shade.
This drawings reminds me: to take dream-catcher earrings a little more seriously.

Sincerely,
Your Crappy Sketcher

Alice Glass of Crystal Castles

This is a crappy sketch of Alice Glass, the lead "singer" of Crystal Castles. She's a bit crazy; I heard she jumped off the stage at a show once and broke her ankle. I also heard that she's playing the new lead vampire in the next Twilight movie.

This sketch took me 15 minutes. Sometimes I don't know if Alice is sorta asian or what, so just to be safe I went sorta asian. If it looks like her bottom lip is being pulled by an invisible hook attached to a fishing line, that's because it is.

Things I learned from this drawing: eyes shouldn't be put close together in sketches.
This drawing reminds me: that I don't know how to draw.

Sincerely,
Your Crappy Sketcher.